PEACE OF MIND.

It’s 5 am.

I’ve spent the entire night on my phone, trying to find something that gives me an answer, to what went wrong.

Maybe if I had shaved. If I had done my makeup properly. If I was skinnier. If I was fitter. If I talked more and had a better sense of humour. If I was pretty. If my smile wasn’t so obnoxious.

I roll over to face the window.

It’s 5:15 now. My eyes are still glossed over, teasing, tempting me to release my emotions out in a wave of tears.

Maybe it just wasn’t meant to happen. I mean, everything happens for a reason, right?

But this was the 3rd time I’ve made the same mistake, and I start to wonder if there’s actually something wrong with me.

A bird outside calls.

It’s now 5:30 am, and the sun is starting to come out of its slumber.

I looked like heck. I played with the idea for a while, contemplating if it was worth the effort.

I mean, it’s not like I’m going to sleep.

I throw myself off my bed and tie my hair up, slipping my feet into my sneakers.

I open the gate and step outside.

I take a deep breath of the fresh air. The humidity clings onto my skin. It feels comforting to know nothing has changed since the last time I went out of my house. Everything was the same.

I put my earphones on and start playing the playlist “midsummer”

I walk to the park. The sunrise had just begun.

I smiled.

I watched as the clouds turn from pink to yellow to orange before finally settling down on its plain, fluffy white colour.

It gives me peace, that no matter what heck I go through, the sun always rises at 5:50 am to remind me that it’s okay to not be okay, because each day passes and soon, it’ll be over.

Just tough it out.