I’ve spent the entire night on my phone, trying to find something that gives me an answer, to what went wrong.
Maybe if I had shaved. If I had done my makeup properly. If I was skinnier. If I was fitter. If I talked more and had a better sense of humour. If I was pretty. If my smile wasn’t so obnoxious.
I roll over to face the window.
It’s 5:15 now. My eyes are still glossed over, teasing, tempting me to release my emotions out in a wave of tears.
Maybe it just wasn’t meant to happen. I mean, everything happens for a reason, right?
But this was the 3rd time I’ve made the same mistake, and I start to wonder if there’s actually something wrong with me.
A bird outside calls.
It’s now 5:30 am, and the sun is starting to come out of its slumber.
I looked like heck. I played with the idea for a while, contemplating if it was worth the effort.
I mean, it’s not like I’m going to sleep.
I throw myself off my bed and tie my hair up, slipping my feet into my sneakers.
I open the gate and step outside.
I take a deep breath of the fresh air. The humidity clings onto my skin. It feels comforting to know nothing has changed since the last time I went out of my house. Everything was the same.
I put my earphones on and start playing the playlist “midsummer”
I walk to the park. The sunrise had just begun.
I smiled.
I watched as the clouds turn from pink to yellow to orange before finally settling down on its plain, fluffy white colour.
It gives me peace, that no matter what heck I go through, the sun always rises at 5:50 am to remind me that it’s okay to not be okay, because each day passes and soon, it’ll be over.
Having a special time for God is about 45 minutes to an hour almost every day. It brings me renewal and hope, informs me, and guides me on everyday decisions. After l prepare breakfast as l watch a bit of the news. I shower, and l get dressed, go through my phone, and that takes time.
Household work, including cooking, washing clothes,shopping for groceries, and vegetables.
Watch serials or movies, read books, write down stories on my blog, and do exercises every evening 😀
The above daily activities that I do give me any happiness🤔?
On serious thought, I realised that the first 2 activities I do because I have to do them.
I do to keep myself occupied, and my brain and mind engaged.
The last one gives me peace of mind.
But happiness? I pondered for long on what gave me happiness.
It’s not owning the latest gadgets or travel or talking to people.
The things that make me happy are:
Reading and writing on my blog.
Watching movies or listening to music while eating snacks.
Sleeping after having a meal
Later in the evening, l go to the gym for exercises to keep my body functioning and fit.
Watching the sunrise, sunset, sky, birds, trees, flowers, plants, and nature.
The last activity gives me the most happiness and brings calmness to my chaotic mind.
I think everyone needs to spend some time just sitting in the park or balcony/ terrace of their house. I’m just sitting still and watching how everything is so co ordinated in nature. Everything works in tandem.
The realization that you are not even a speck in this whole cosmos truly humbles you.
It’s a different sort of happiness being amidst nature. It calms your mind and gives you peace. It is only when your mind is at peace that you are truly happy.
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